Thursday, February 24, 2005


More FUN!!!

Turns out my name anagrams to:

Earthmen Yak
Harken Matey
Earth Yank Me
Hater Yank Em
Hate Amy Kern (goddamn that Amy Kern)
Take Army Hen (if you dare- army hens are killing machines)

(Did I just give my name away? Not unless you're reeeeal clever.)

God. Damn.

I am so, so, sick of the trendy placing of a period. After. Every. Word. It's so damn lame. Find. A. New. Syntax. People. Christ.

How about...

Me: this: insane.

Here; you; what; noodle; kumquat.

Holy! Hell! It's! Thursday!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Next time I'm flying Air Botswana

Oh my, this is fun.

Ok. Back to work. Work, work work. Au travail!

Friday, February 18, 2005

Under the Bridge

I am in a terrible, rancid mood this morning. My husband and I went to a philanthropic bar outing last night, peopled by young associates of various firms. We had nothing to say to them. A fellow law school a cappella alumna twittered up to me, "Oh, how are you" and "Oh, I'm so busy all the time, big tobacco trials, blah" and "Oh, we HAVE to have lunch." Up came another classmate, a little troll whom I barely knew in law school but who actually works in some other department at Superfirm. Civilities were exchanged. She glowered at me and my husband for a minute. Then:
"Wait... are you married?" Troll quipped. "Yes," I answered. "Wait... when did you get married?" "In September." "Ummm.... that was fast."
"I'm sorry?"
"Well, when did you get engaged? I didn't even know you were engaged." (keep in mind that I had almost no clue who this girl was in school. I even introduced myself on our first day at Superfirm, to which she giggled "I know who you are.")
"Two summers ago."
"Wait... but you dated SOOO many guys first year! There was Mike, and Ben, and Ravi, and... I mean, that wasn't that long ago! I can't believe you got married so fast!"
Of course, my husband was standing right next to me and gave me a LOOK.
How in fuck did this girl, whose existence was utterly unknown to me through most of law school, have any idea who I was dating?
Law school was like junior high school. Everyone knew everyone's business. I know this, I remember this, thus should not be surprised at this girl's in-depth knowledge of my dating history. Still, that knowledge, and her out-of-the-blue criticism of my "fast marriage," totally chapped my ass.
I am turning into an unpleasant, cynical, bitter person. I need to stop this. I need to be happy and lighthearted. Life is good. I am employed, I am housed, I am married. These are all good things. I need to just shut up and deal, n'est-ce pas?

Monday, February 14, 2005

Documented nuptials

Bad-ass bride Posted by Hello

Now that I've got this photo-uploading thing figured out (I am very behind the curve on these sort of things) I thought I'd identify myself visually. This is the end of my wedding night.

Corporate Training

How did I do this? Posted by Hello

I was stuck in two grueling days of corporate training this weekend and I boasted the attention span of your average fruit fly. I think it was during "Tax Issues in Leveraged Buyouts" that I crafted the little beauty you see above.

I think the nadir of boredom (or the zenith?) that I reached during this particular lecture fermented latent creativity in my brain. I can't draw. I couldn't draw before, I can't draw now. But for 10 minutes, I think right at the moment that the partner du jour was explaining the intricacies of the new FASB 123 provisions, my right hand took control and drew the above picture.

I'm rather proud of it, I must say. It's the only thing I did this weekend that I am proud of.

Wednesday, February 09, 2005


My wedding ring smells terrible. I took it off moments ago to apply lotion to my unbelievably dry hands, held it to my nose, and took a whiff. Disgusting. Alarmed, I snorted around the rest of my hand, which seems to smell fine.
I am not a dirty person (well... no, actually, I'm really not). I scrub myself regularly, apply a regimen of expensive beauty products morning and night, wash my hands after using the loo, etc. And I clean my rings with reasonable frequency. So what the fuck? Gross.
I have a tendency to read into things. As though my life was a mediocre novel bursting with all-too-obvious symbolism. Sympathizing with my hatred of diamonds and all they stand for, my husband got me a sapphire eternity band as my wedding ring. Lovely, tiny, square-cut sapphires- which have, of course, dozens of little nooks and crannies where nastiness may gather. I love the ring, but keeping it clean is something of a chore.
Oh god. This post smacks of the silliness and pseudo-depth I criticize so heartily in others. (This Fish (doesn't really trip off the tongue, does it? The idea is cute, but "this fish?" it's everything that's wrong with the English language. Anyway...), Stephanie Klein, countless others, I'm sure).
But then, what is a blog, if not a chance to make your life into a mediocre novel? You write it, random passers-by read it. Millions of people, procrastinating at work. For 40 minutes, I'm a cog in a machine. Then, for the next 15, I am the center of attention of unknown masses. I'm writing in my blog. If I make it funny, if I imbue stories of my life with cheap symbols, people may read it, like it. People will envy me.
So there you have it, my not-so-incisive musings on blogging.
I can see Joliet from my office window. I think it's snowing there.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Briggs-Myers (abridged)

Take this. I'm an ESFJ (very emotional, judge without thinking. Lovely!)

Thursday, February 03, 2005

State of the office inhabitant #5639

Ah, SuperFirm. What a hold you have on my soul. How shamelessly you exploit the type-A personalities of your attorney-ettes.
I got very little done today and I'll tell you why. I had to look at an old friend's engagement announcement webpage. I had to read every piece of news out there about how this social security reform proposal is absolute insane nonsense. I had to contemplate writing a blog post about said social security reform proposal and ultimately decide against it. I had to search for umm... charme. I had to read blogs that I have treated critically in earlier noisette posts and make slightly snide remarks on their comment pages. I had to read the bloggers' responses to said slightly snide remarks and comment further and even less pleasantly. These were all imperatives.
But now, I have to BILL MY TIME. Those of you (of the vast universe of people who read what I have to say) who have not worked in a law firm or other client-driven industry might not understand this, but for us it's a way of life. So- what do I say? client/matter number XXXX/X- "Read periodicals while waiting for turn of document." But I wasn't waiting for a turn of document. The document has already been turned, several times, and has finally come to rest on the document management system. Client/matter XXX/X- "worked on non-billable research project." Untrue, but at least no one would have to pay for my lie. How about XXX/X- "personal time?" But I was here. I shouldn't have to say that.
If only Superfirm included among its list of companies to bill and legitimate things to do, client matter XXXXX/X, "I was just fuckin' BORED all day, ok?" But no. Superfirm employees are never bored. We are ALWAYS coming up with something productive to do. We are always earning our keep.
Wish me luck, oh legions of faithful readers. Without a client/matter number that reflects what I was really up to today, I'll have to umm... make the truth sound more palatable. Not so hard, surely. Isn't that what we lawyers are supposed to be so good at?

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

The Pachyderm has left the Building

By which I mean to make reference to the Elephant in the Room (who is no longer in the room because I should have written on this topic on Monday and he has since vacated the room out of sheer boredom- how far can I push this metaphor?)- which is that the Iraq elections went well. Well, sort of. I mean, compared to the large-scale bloody eventualities we had in mind. And for Dems, this creates something of a dilemma. Mostly because the State of the Union is tonight and I for one am not looking forward to all of the gloating. Most of the left-leaning news outlets have addressed the situation by either A) saying something like "it was Iraq's victory, not ours; Allawi was pushing for January elections even when the Bush administration was for postponing them"; or B) that yes, it's all well and good that the Iraq elections went better than expected, but we can't let our guard down now, it's up to the Iraqis to turn this into something permanent and positive, etc. Both tactics, of course, taking as much credit away from Bush et al as possible.
On the one hand, this is fair because, like the hand-0ff of power last June, I'm not sure how much credit Bush et al can take for this somewhat symbolic event; also, the left's criticisms, while sounding a lot like whining and nursing our wounds, are valid- we can't let our guard up now, and Iraqis have to capitalize on this thirst for democracy to create a true coalition, etc. But on the other hand, we Dems were the gadflies criticizing the Bush administration for holding elections in the face of mounting violence, laughing at their naivete in believing that the Iraqi people's need for self-definition would overcome the most intimidating odds (I for one wouldn't have voted in that environment!)- but, with some notable exceptions and 55 horrible, inexcusable deaths as a result of election day violence, the Bush administration may have something with their "everyone loves freedom" thing.
Dare we admit it? I think a lot of Dems are caught between love of democratic country and cultural relativism that comes from a more nuanced understanding of the world than someone who had only travelled to Mexico before he was elected leader of the free world might have. But cultural relativism is a land mine in a lot of ways. It was "cultural relativism" that gave us an excuse to do nothing while the Taliban oppressed women, for instance. Or that allows for the institution of repressive Shari'a laws in not a few African and Middle Eastern countries. And having personally spent a fair amount of time in countries very different from the good old USA, I can say that although culturally we are as different as can be from, say, the Senegalese muslims, those that I met still expressed a longing for the economic and social freedoms that democracy promises.
Thus it must be for many Iraqis. And although I will cringe tonight with the other 49 million of my compatriots who can't stand Bush's smug expression, I have to admit that this time, and ONLY this time, the GOP can rightly celebrate its optimism and professed faith in democracy.